Fighting Game Haikus
Oct. 26th, 2024 10:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yrevalSome time ago (January 26th, 2021, apparently - has it really been nearly four years?), I was bored at work and came up with the idea of writing figting game-related haikus. I posted the first one on Twitter that lunchtime, and by the evening I had a 20-tweet thread of haikus. Over time, I added a few more, and when I started posting on Bluesky and Cohost (RIP) earlier this year I posted them there as well, with a few changes. For my first post here, I though I'd carry on that tradition, along with some thoughts on them to try to explain the joke the wacky world of fighting games.
1) Sakura (Street Fighter)
*ziiiiing* Sho sho sho sho
Sho sho sho sho sho sho *whoosh*
Shinkuu Hadouken
This is the infamous "shoshosho" combo from Capcom vs SNK 2, where A-Groove Sakura activates a custom combo (during which you can cancel pretty much anything into anything else), does a few HPs or HKs for damage, repeatedly Shououkens the opponent, and finishes off with a super (the Midarezakura (qcf qcf+k) is actually a bit more damaging than the Shinkuu Hadouken, but that's neither here nor there).
2) Clark (King of Fighters)
Clark Still, hero of
The Ikari Warriors
Fear the Running Three
The King of Fighters series brings together characters from the Fatal Fury and Art of Fighting series, some original characters, and even a few characters from SNK's pre-Neo Geo days, such as this guy, who comes from 1986's Ikari Warriors. One of his signature moves is the Running Three, which sounds rather silly, but does somewhat describe what's going on (he picks the opponent up, runs a few steps, and slams them to the ground three times).
3) Brian (King of Fighters)
The number one star
You won't see tackles like this
In the NFL
In KOF '98, Brian is a low-tier character with a hilarious gimmick - the Screw Body Press, also known as the Briancopter. Just look at it:
This move leads to all sorts of weird interactions and combos. It must be done in mid-air, but if you've selected Extra Mode on the character select screen, he can do it out of a dash.
4) Julia (Tekken)
Reforestation
Her environmental plan
Don't forget: subscribe!
Julia Chang was an archaeology student before discovering that her ancestral homeland was in danger of desertification. She turned her attention to genetic research and ecosystem restoration. In Tekken 7, she decides the best way to get attention - and, more importantly, funding - is to livestream her fights. If she ever comes back as DLC for Tekken 8, you can be certain that there'll be a Julia VTuber of some sort.
5) Ganryu (Tekken)
Sumo champion
Now simping for Julia
Tier 3 subscription
Ganryu is Tekken's obligatory sumo wrestler, and is obsessed with Julia, which is ...odd, since he's old enough to have been similarly obsessed with Julia's mother, Michelle.
6) Iori (King of Fighters)
Fireball motion, then
half circle... Playtime is over
Cry, scream, and then die
Iori's most well-known move is his Kin 1211 Shiki: Ya Otome, or Maiden Masher for short, performed with the command qcf hcb+p. The second part is a rough English translation of what he says during it ("Asobi wa owari da! Nake! sakebe! soshite shine!!") - a gloriously edgelord-y quote for a gloriously edgelord-y character.
7) Makoto (Street Fighter)
Cute karate girl
Seichuzen Godanzuki
Ow oof ouch my balls
Seichuzen Godanzuki translates to "five thrusts at different levels along the median line". My headcanon is that the first hit is aimed squarely at the groin, and no, there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind.
8) Zangief (Street Fighter)
Wrestled a bear once
And twice, and thrice, and four times
Большо́й Победа
Being Russian and a wrestler, Zangief will, of course, practice his technique against a bear from time to time, as shown in his Street Fighter Alpha 2 ending.
9) Rugal (King of Fighters)
Genocide Cutter
Diagnosis: boss syndrome
Don't jump at this guy
Input-reading AI + the mother and father of all anti-airs = hours of frustration for jump-happy players.
10) The General (Kaiser Knuckle)
No-one defeats me
I am a perfect soldier
Keep inserting coins
...But if you thought Rugal was OP, check out this video: less than 15 minutes to reach the General, another 45 minutes (and 33 continues) to take him down.
11) Athena (King of Fighters)
Cute psychic idol
"Psycho Ball! Psycho Ball!" Wow!
Voice of an angel(???)
In the early days of KOF, Athena didn't just have a different outfit for each game; she had a different voice actress for each game, as well.
They eventually settled on Haruna Ikezawa, who voices her to this day, despite the cacophonic reputation she's earned since '98. That said, she also voices the decidedly less cacophonic Foxy, as well as a wide range of characters across a plethora of anime and video games. Turns out that the professional voice actress with 30 years of experience is actually pretty good at it! Also, how's this for a bit of nominative (or geographical in this case, I guess) determinism:
12) Chin (King of Fighters)
This little old man
Taught Athena and Kensou
Stronger when he's drunk
As early as '94, he claimed to be stronger when he's drunk, although that wouldn't be reflected in his gameplay until 2002.
13) Jam (Guilty Gear)
Kung fu fighting chef
You burned down her restaurant?
You better watch out
Jam is an aspiring chef who earns enough money through fighting to open her own restaurant... only for Robo-Ky to burn it down.
14) Terry (Fatal Fury)
Lone wolf of Southtown
He's got two letters for you
"OK!" Enough said!
Terry, and his long-time voice actor Satoshi Hashimoto, prove that with the right delivery, even something as simple as "OK" can become an iconic catchphrase.
15) Angel (King of Fighters)
Her secret technique
The most electrifying
move in fighting games
In KOF 2002, each character has a Hidden Super Desperation Move, which can only be performed with less than 30% life. Angel's is this:
16) Mai (Fatal Fury)
She says "Me bouncy!"
Or is it "Nippon Ichi!"?
Like her ninja tricks?
The actual quote is "Nippon Ichi", but it was often misheard as "Me bouncy" (at least while Akoya Sogi was voicing the character). It doesn't help that the quote accompanies this win pose:
17) M. Bison (Street Fighter)
The most important
day of your life? For Bison
It was last Tuesday
Raul Julia's performance as Bison in the 1994 Street Fighter movie - while dying of cancer, no less - is almost universally regarded as the best thing about the film - not that that's a particularly high bar.
18) Elena (Street Fighter)
Beats are in your head
She is the original
Capcom tall lady
Resident Evil 8's Lady Dimitrescu has gone down as one of the most memorable videogame villains of all time, but it wasn't the first time Capcom had presented a female character of significantly above average height (even if Lady Dimitrescu is another three feet taller, in fairness).
19) Sub-Zero (Mortal Kombat)
Remember? "Whoa-oh
Chinese ninja warrior
With a heart so cold..."
If you're reading this, you're probably familiar with "Mortal Kombat (Techno-Syndrome)", the main theme from the 1995 movie. Well, there was a whole album where that came from, which predates the film by over a year.
20) Cable (Marvel vs Capcom 2)
You called an assist?
Hyper... Viper Beam! Hyper...
Viper Beam! Hyper...
On the ground, Hyper Viper Beam is an unremarkable projectile super with 20 frames of startup and 63 frames of recovery, leaving him wide open on block. If you let your joystick go to up-forward just before hitting those two punch buttons, though, the startup is reduced to two frames, and Cable recovers as soon as he reaches the ground, letting him do it again and again as long as he has meter. Thanks to this, Cable can severely punish almost any whiffed move and absolutely vapourise any carelessly called assists. Here's a famous example from Evo 2006:
21) Marie Rose (Dead or Alive)
Twelve-year-old girl? No!
Really a grown-ass woman!
You don't believe us?
On May 20th, 2011, Nintendo released Tecmo Koei's Dead or Alive: Dimensions for the 3DS across Europe... except for Norway, Sweden, and Denmark. Nintendo's Scandinavian distributor, Bergsala, had concerns about the game's figure mode that let you photograph the characters - including 16-year-old Ayane and 17-year-old Kasumi and Kokoro - from any and all angles. Mindful of a recent child pornography scandal involving a Swedish manga translator, Bergsala erred on the side of caution and opted not to release the game.
In 2014, Dead or Alive 5: Ultimate was released. Among the new characters introduced in Ultimate was Marie Rose, an 18-year-old Swedish woman... who was 4'10'' tall, had a childlike personality, and looked like this:
"""""Eighteen"""""
22) Iron Tager (Blazblue)
Insane Clown Posse
Wondering how this guy works
Power of science
The hip-hop duo's 2009 album Bang! Pow! Boom! is best known for the song "Miracles", in which Shaggy 2 Dope delivers the immortal line:
"Fucking magnets, how do they work?"
Someone who'd be able to bring him up to speed is Iron Tager, Blazblue's resident grappler who, in addition to the standard grappler toolkit, can magnetise the opponent with certain moves - a very good thing for a grappler to have, not that it stops him from being super-glued to the bottom of the tier list.
23) Es (Blazblue)
Another cute girl
Wielding a massive sword... wait...
...her name stands for *what*???
Es, introduced in Blazblue's visual novel spinoff XBlaze and joining the series proper in Central Fiction, is a beginner-friendly shoto-type character with huge range thanks to her sword that's bigger than she is. The name stands for "Embryo Storage", which... I'm not caught-up enough on the Blazblue lore to know whether that refers to a literal embryo, but still... huh???
24) Aoko (Melty Blood)
They called her dripless
She called them an ambulance
Comfy sorceress
Aoko has attracted widespread derision for wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans despite being a Magician (that's in the Tsukihime sense of being able to break the laws of the universe, not just knowing a few card tricks). On the other hand, I think there's something cool about a character with near-godlike powers who just dresses normally.
25) May (Guilty Gear)
Totsugeki! To
tsugeki! Totsugeki!
Totsugeki! To
To those whose only experience of Guilty Gear is Strive, I promise she used to have a more varied and interseting moveset. As fun as it is sometimes to bully an opponent into submission with her dolphins, I've been playing a bit of Rev2 recently, including a few tournaments, and she's so much more interesting in the old games.
26) Arcueid (Melty Blood)
A coincidence?
She looks like that funny cat
If it was human
Neco-Arc has become such a widespread meme at this point that I'm certain that there are a significant number of people that know about Neco-Arc, but not Arcueid. Also: you may be aware that she's loosely based on a model Takashi Takeuchi saw in a magazine, and that the model's identity was recently unearthed:
When the original Melty Blood was still fairly recent, I was lurking on a fighting game forum with a thread on Melty Blood. One of the main posters in that thread was someone who had this picture as their avatar. Not knowing the significance of this picture, I assumed it was someone cosplaying as King from KOF:
27) Gill (Street Fighter)
Illuminati
The mark of my dignity
Scars thy DNA
28) Dudley (Street Fighter)
My DNA shall
remain intact, because you
have no dignity
Many years ago, I made a flyer for a Third Strike tournament at my fighting game locals that consisted of (apart from the details of the tournament itself) a four-panel sprite comic (along the lines of this) that went something like this:
Gill: "The mark of my dignity shall scar thy DNA!"
Dudley: "Good sir, I'm dreadfully afraid that there shan't be any scarring of DNA taking place today. That is because... you have no dignity."
Unfortunately, I think it's lost to time.
29) Iceman (X-Men: COTA/MVC2)
Want some chip damage?
I scream, you scream, we all scream
For "Ice Beam! Ice Beam!"
Iceman in MVC2 is a lean, mean, chip damage machine thanks primarily to his Ice Beam - and on top of that, he takes no chip damage from blocking any energy-based attack (i.e., pretty much any projectile). He's not a top tier character by any means, but he can be very frustrating for newbies to fight against.
In conclusion:
This was partly a creative writing exercise, but mostly an excuse for some anecdotes about my experiences playing fighting games and being in the FGC. Still, I hope you learned something new, or got some amusement out of this. Until next time...
1) Sakura (Street Fighter)
*ziiiiing* Sho sho sho sho
Sho sho sho sho sho sho *whoosh*
Shinkuu Hadouken
This is the infamous "shoshosho" combo from Capcom vs SNK 2, where A-Groove Sakura activates a custom combo (during which you can cancel pretty much anything into anything else), does a few HPs or HKs for damage, repeatedly Shououkens the opponent, and finishes off with a super (the Midarezakura (qcf qcf+k) is actually a bit more damaging than the Shinkuu Hadouken, but that's neither here nor there).
2) Clark (King of Fighters)
Clark Still, hero of
The Ikari Warriors
Fear the Running Three
The King of Fighters series brings together characters from the Fatal Fury and Art of Fighting series, some original characters, and even a few characters from SNK's pre-Neo Geo days, such as this guy, who comes from 1986's Ikari Warriors. One of his signature moves is the Running Three, which sounds rather silly, but does somewhat describe what's going on (he picks the opponent up, runs a few steps, and slams them to the ground three times).
3) Brian (King of Fighters)
The number one star
You won't see tackles like this
In the NFL
In KOF '98, Brian is a low-tier character with a hilarious gimmick - the Screw Body Press, also known as the Briancopter. Just look at it:
This move leads to all sorts of weird interactions and combos. It must be done in mid-air, but if you've selected Extra Mode on the character select screen, he can do it out of a dash.
4) Julia (Tekken)
Reforestation
Her environmental plan
Don't forget: subscribe!
Julia Chang was an archaeology student before discovering that her ancestral homeland was in danger of desertification. She turned her attention to genetic research and ecosystem restoration. In Tekken 7, she decides the best way to get attention - and, more importantly, funding - is to livestream her fights. If she ever comes back as DLC for Tekken 8, you can be certain that there'll be a Julia VTuber of some sort.
5) Ganryu (Tekken)
Sumo champion
Now simping for Julia
Tier 3 subscription
Ganryu is Tekken's obligatory sumo wrestler, and is obsessed with Julia, which is ...odd, since he's old enough to have been similarly obsessed with Julia's mother, Michelle.
6) Iori (King of Fighters)
Fireball motion, then
half circle... Playtime is over
Cry, scream, and then die
Iori's most well-known move is his Kin 1211 Shiki: Ya Otome, or Maiden Masher for short, performed with the command qcf hcb+p. The second part is a rough English translation of what he says during it ("Asobi wa owari da! Nake! sakebe! soshite shine!!") - a gloriously edgelord-y quote for a gloriously edgelord-y character.
7) Makoto (Street Fighter)
Cute karate girl
Seichuzen Godanzuki
Ow oof ouch my balls
Seichuzen Godanzuki translates to "five thrusts at different levels along the median line". My headcanon is that the first hit is aimed squarely at the groin, and no, there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind.
8) Zangief (Street Fighter)
Wrestled a bear once
And twice, and thrice, and four times
Большо́й Победа
Being Russian and a wrestler, Zangief will, of course, practice his technique against a bear from time to time, as shown in his Street Fighter Alpha 2 ending.
9) Rugal (King of Fighters)
Genocide Cutter
Diagnosis: boss syndrome
Don't jump at this guy
Input-reading AI + the mother and father of all anti-airs = hours of frustration for jump-happy players.
10) The General (Kaiser Knuckle)
No-one defeats me
I am a perfect soldier
Keep inserting coins
...But if you thought Rugal was OP, check out this video: less than 15 minutes to reach the General, another 45 minutes (and 33 continues) to take him down.
11) Athena (King of Fighters)
Cute psychic idol
"Psycho Ball! Psycho Ball!" Wow!
Voice of an angel(???)
In the early days of KOF, Athena didn't just have a different outfit for each game; she had a different voice actress for each game, as well.
They eventually settled on Haruna Ikezawa, who voices her to this day, despite the cacophonic reputation she's earned since '98. That said, she also voices the decidedly less cacophonic Foxy, as well as a wide range of characters across a plethora of anime and video games. Turns out that the professional voice actress with 30 years of experience is actually pretty good at it! Also, how's this for a bit of nominative (or geographical in this case, I guess) determinism:
12) Chin (King of Fighters)
This little old man
Taught Athena and Kensou
Stronger when he's drunk
As early as '94, he claimed to be stronger when he's drunk, although that wouldn't be reflected in his gameplay until 2002.
13) Jam (Guilty Gear)
Kung fu fighting chef
You burned down her restaurant?
You better watch out
Jam is an aspiring chef who earns enough money through fighting to open her own restaurant... only for Robo-Ky to burn it down.
14) Terry (Fatal Fury)
Lone wolf of Southtown
He's got two letters for you
"OK!" Enough said!
Terry, and his long-time voice actor Satoshi Hashimoto, prove that with the right delivery, even something as simple as "OK" can become an iconic catchphrase.
15) Angel (King of Fighters)
Her secret technique
The most electrifying
move in fighting games
In KOF 2002, each character has a Hidden Super Desperation Move, which can only be performed with less than 30% life. Angel's is this:
16) Mai (Fatal Fury)
She says "Me bouncy!"
Or is it "Nippon Ichi!"?
Like her ninja tricks?
The actual quote is "Nippon Ichi", but it was often misheard as "Me bouncy" (at least while Akoya Sogi was voicing the character). It doesn't help that the quote accompanies this win pose:
17) M. Bison (Street Fighter)
The most important
day of your life? For Bison
It was last Tuesday
Raul Julia's performance as Bison in the 1994 Street Fighter movie - while dying of cancer, no less - is almost universally regarded as the best thing about the film - not that that's a particularly high bar.
18) Elena (Street Fighter)
Beats are in your head
She is the original
Capcom tall lady
Resident Evil 8's Lady Dimitrescu has gone down as one of the most memorable videogame villains of all time, but it wasn't the first time Capcom had presented a female character of significantly above average height (even if Lady Dimitrescu is another three feet taller, in fairness).
19) Sub-Zero (Mortal Kombat)
Remember? "Whoa-oh
Chinese ninja warrior
With a heart so cold..."
If you're reading this, you're probably familiar with "Mortal Kombat (Techno-Syndrome)", the main theme from the 1995 movie. Well, there was a whole album where that came from, which predates the film by over a year.
20) Cable (Marvel vs Capcom 2)
You called an assist?
Hyper... Viper Beam! Hyper...
Viper Beam! Hyper...
On the ground, Hyper Viper Beam is an unremarkable projectile super with 20 frames of startup and 63 frames of recovery, leaving him wide open on block. If you let your joystick go to up-forward just before hitting those two punch buttons, though, the startup is reduced to two frames, and Cable recovers as soon as he reaches the ground, letting him do it again and again as long as he has meter. Thanks to this, Cable can severely punish almost any whiffed move and absolutely vapourise any carelessly called assists. Here's a famous example from Evo 2006:
21) Marie Rose (Dead or Alive)
Twelve-year-old girl? No!
Really a grown-ass woman!
You don't believe us?
On May 20th, 2011, Nintendo released Tecmo Koei's Dead or Alive: Dimensions for the 3DS across Europe... except for Norway, Sweden, and Denmark. Nintendo's Scandinavian distributor, Bergsala, had concerns about the game's figure mode that let you photograph the characters - including 16-year-old Ayane and 17-year-old Kasumi and Kokoro - from any and all angles. Mindful of a recent child pornography scandal involving a Swedish manga translator, Bergsala erred on the side of caution and opted not to release the game.
In 2014, Dead or Alive 5: Ultimate was released. Among the new characters introduced in Ultimate was Marie Rose, an 18-year-old Swedish woman... who was 4'10'' tall, had a childlike personality, and looked like this:
"""""Eighteen"""""
22) Iron Tager (Blazblue)
Insane Clown Posse
Wondering how this guy works
Power of science
The hip-hop duo's 2009 album Bang! Pow! Boom! is best known for the song "Miracles", in which Shaggy 2 Dope delivers the immortal line:
"Fucking magnets, how do they work?"
Someone who'd be able to bring him up to speed is Iron Tager, Blazblue's resident grappler who, in addition to the standard grappler toolkit, can magnetise the opponent with certain moves - a very good thing for a grappler to have, not that it stops him from being super-glued to the bottom of the tier list.
23) Es (Blazblue)
Another cute girl
Wielding a massive sword... wait...
...her name stands for *what*???
Es, introduced in Blazblue's visual novel spinoff XBlaze and joining the series proper in Central Fiction, is a beginner-friendly shoto-type character with huge range thanks to her sword that's bigger than she is. The name stands for "Embryo Storage", which... I'm not caught-up enough on the Blazblue lore to know whether that refers to a literal embryo, but still... huh???
24) Aoko (Melty Blood)
They called her dripless
She called them an ambulance
Comfy sorceress
Aoko has attracted widespread derision for wearing a plain white t-shirt and jeans despite being a Magician (that's in the Tsukihime sense of being able to break the laws of the universe, not just knowing a few card tricks). On the other hand, I think there's something cool about a character with near-godlike powers who just dresses normally.
25) May (Guilty Gear)
Totsugeki! To
tsugeki! Totsugeki!
Totsugeki! To
To those whose only experience of Guilty Gear is Strive, I promise she used to have a more varied and interseting moveset. As fun as it is sometimes to bully an opponent into submission with her dolphins, I've been playing a bit of Rev2 recently, including a few tournaments, and she's so much more interesting in the old games.
26) Arcueid (Melty Blood)
A coincidence?
She looks like that funny cat
If it was human
Neco-Arc has become such a widespread meme at this point that I'm certain that there are a significant number of people that know about Neco-Arc, but not Arcueid. Also: you may be aware that she's loosely based on a model Takashi Takeuchi saw in a magazine, and that the model's identity was recently unearthed:
When the original Melty Blood was still fairly recent, I was lurking on a fighting game forum with a thread on Melty Blood. One of the main posters in that thread was someone who had this picture as their avatar. Not knowing the significance of this picture, I assumed it was someone cosplaying as King from KOF:
27) Gill (Street Fighter)
Illuminati
The mark of my dignity
Scars thy DNA
28) Dudley (Street Fighter)
My DNA shall
remain intact, because you
have no dignity
Many years ago, I made a flyer for a Third Strike tournament at my fighting game locals that consisted of (apart from the details of the tournament itself) a four-panel sprite comic (along the lines of this) that went something like this:
Gill: "The mark of my dignity shall scar thy DNA!"
Dudley: "Good sir, I'm dreadfully afraid that there shan't be any scarring of DNA taking place today. That is because... you have no dignity."
Unfortunately, I think it's lost to time.
29) Iceman (X-Men: COTA/MVC2)
Want some chip damage?
I scream, you scream, we all scream
For "Ice Beam! Ice Beam!"
Iceman in MVC2 is a lean, mean, chip damage machine thanks primarily to his Ice Beam - and on top of that, he takes no chip damage from blocking any energy-based attack (i.e., pretty much any projectile). He's not a top tier character by any means, but he can be very frustrating for newbies to fight against.
In conclusion:
This was partly a creative writing exercise, but mostly an excuse for some anecdotes about my experiences playing fighting games and being in the FGC. Still, I hope you learned something new, or got some amusement out of this. Until next time...
